Thursday, January 21, 2010

A Groom With a View: Involving Your Fiancé

With wedding planning only getting more hectic as each month goes by, I feel so lucky that Stephen has always been very involved in the process – creating wine-cork escort-card holders, designing our wine-themed cake, coming up with ideas for our signature drink, and doing so many other things.

To change things up a bit this week, I decided to take a day off from blogging and instead let him share his tips for how to best involve grooms in the planning process. Enjoy!

When compared with the long list of preparation required for brides, the wedding day for a groom is relatively simple, and can be boiled down to three basic tasks: show up, say some lines, remember the ring, done.

Many grooms don’t really feel the need to get overly involved in planning a wedding because of the fact that our society places most of the emphasis on brides. Don’t believe me? Do a quick search on “wedding dress” in your search engine of choice, and compare the number of hits against “tuxedo.”

Give it another shot with “bride” and “groom,” and you’ll get similar results. (Plus, don’t forget that a good number of those “groom” hits involve combs and long-haired dachshunds). It may seem like an uphill battle to get your man to join in planning the wedding, but the real trick is playing to your groom’s strengths and interests.

For example, to me, you can call it orchid, violet, royal purple, or whatever you want, but when I look at it, all I see is purple. If your betrothed is like me, you shouldn’t expect too much help when you’re checking out floral arrangements, other than confused expressions and the occasional utterance of “uh…sure.”

Find tasks that match up with things your groom is good at. Does he love cars? If so, put him in charge of arranging transportation. I’m good at logistics, so I have the task of organizing the timetable for ensuring cars and drivers are available to ferry the wedding party every place they need to go.

Got a real handyman? Look for tasks that allow your guy to build and create items needed for the wedding and reception. From card boxes to trellises, there are lots of things that you can make on your own to save some money. Also, for those who are planning to hold the reception at a house or in a backyard, there are always home projects that can be done. Fixing up an old deck or building a fire pit can definitely spruce things up, and may even give you new options for your reception layout.

What about food and music? Plenty of guys have great taste in music, or at the very least have an opinion about what they don’t want played. When it comes to food, not all of us can be chefs, but you can send me to food and cake tastings all day and not hear any complaints out of me!

A muscle-car wedding chariot. Every groom’s dream come true.

However, I will warn those of you who want more involvement from your groom to be careful what you wish for. Your groom’s wedding ideas may not perfectly sync with your own. Personally, I would love to have a Ford GT supercar to drive off in after the wedding. But I’m not sure Heather would agree with the either the price tag or the fact that getting in and out of the car in her gown could be a nightmare.

There will surely be disagreements, but in every relationship, there must be compromise and understanding. I may not get the Ford GT, but at least I get to pick a tier of the wedding cake. Mmmm… lemon poppy! How are you involving your groom in planning the wedding?

(Photo Credits: 2009 Central Texas Dachshund Rescue Calendar & Ford)


  1. I love this post! My groom is pretty involved - he is great at organizing the logistics, like getting our two caterers together at our venue for a meeting. This leaves me a ton of time for fun DIY projects. I think we make a good team.

  2. My groom only cares about certain aspects of the wedding. He is more vocal about what he doesn't want rather than what he does want. But recently after a mini meltdown from me, he really stepped up to the plate and offered to take more of the load. I think its great that you are so involved in the wedding planning.

  3. You are right, be careful what you wish for! My guy is involved in every aspect of the wedding, which is great and terrible, all at the same time! It's forced us to compromise, size up what's important to each other, when to give and when to stand our ground. Good marriage prep, but much harder than me being able to choose everything!

  4. Great post! Mr. Milk is like you I think, in that he doesnt really care too much about colors and flowers and such. But there are definitely plenty of things that he is better at than I and he is using those skills to help out with the wedding planning! Thanks for sharing your ideas and views

  5. This is so true! My fiance, now husband, was fairly involved in the wedding process and our ideas didn't always jive, but we learned how to compromise pretty quickly - otherwise I think I would have gone insane! :)

  6. I read another bride-to-be's blog and she was basically going against everything her man wanted for the wedding and just not telling him...not cool dude.

    But that car in this why some women don't want the men involved! :) How is you supposed to get out of there?!