A Fresh Start

Hello to all my friends here in blog land! Long time no see! Hmm, where do I even begin? The past couple weeks have been filled with decisions and some changes for me, but the good news is that as I write this, I feel incredibly happy, relieved and excited about the future.

As many of you know, life has been pretty crazy for me throughout the past year. In a nutshell, here are just some of the big changes the past year has brought for me:

* Getting married

* Starting grad school

* Becoming a founding board member for Wish Upon a Wedding DC

* Seeing my Capitol Hill career all but vanish in the wake of an election

* Earning my wedding coordination certificate and taking steps toward building a business

* Taking on the substantial role of Weddzilla Blog editor

This is not to mention the personal family issues, financial issues, and other day-to-day challenges that we all face in our lives and that I have faced, as well. In the end, after months of dealing with the most intense stress and pressure I’ve ever felt in my life, I knew that something simply had to give.

That’s why after a great deal of personal consideration, I decided to move on from my position as editor in chief at the Weddzilla Blog, which I officially announced last Friday. As you can imagine, this wasn’t an easy choice for me, since I was truly passionate about the blog and loved every minute of my experience living out what has long been a dream of mine. But in light of internal changes taking place, the fact that the amount of time I was putting in wasn’t compatible with the financial benefit I was getting, and everything else I have on my plate, I knew it was without a doubt the right choice.

In the end, I am incredibly proud that thanks to the amazing contributions of our bloggers and the work we have done together throughout the past six months, the blog has now grown to include a team of more than 60 fabulous writers, has gained a widespread readership and has gotten a great deal of positive recognition. 

As for me, I plan to spend the next few weeks refocusing and regrouping. I need to reassess my long-term goals as I continue earning my master's degree and working with my awesome wedding coordination clients, one of whom is getting married this Saturday!

Of course, I plan to stay very active in the wedding blog world, am open to any other freelance blogging/writing opportunities that come my way and am planning to reevaluate this blog, as well, now that my first anniversary has come and gone. Chances are, I’ll have a couple more posts to share here and will then start to work on launching a new blog, as many of you have.

Ideas? Suggestions? Let me know! Fresh start, here I come! :)  

(Photo Credit: greenhousearts.com) 

Google Blogger Help Needed: Unable to Comment!

I hope you're all having a great Memorial Day weekend! I'll be back later this week with a couple new posts, but today's is an open call for help from my blogger friends.

For the past week, I have been unable to comment on many of the blogs I follow, which is probably why many of you haven't seen me around on your pages. Even though I am signed in to Blogger, when I try to view and comment on another blogger's page, the system often doesn't recognize my profile. It's like it doesn't think I'm really signed in. And when I try to sign in again, it doesn't help. Plus, since many blogs won't accept anonymous, name/URL comments, I have no way to leave one.



I submitted a question via Google's help forum but haven't gotten any feedback. Is anyone else having this problem? Any advice on how to fix it? If so, please feel free to leave me a message or email me at htwalrath@gmail.com. After a week of this happening, I'm totally fed up!!

Learning To Let Go & Relax

One month in, and it’s already official. This semester of grad school is off to an even crazier start than the last one!

But although my schedule is as demanding as ever, the publishing courses this time around – marketing strategies and production management – are more closely in line with my interests. The professors’ styles are also very interactive and project-based, which creates more work overall, but also helps each three-hour class pass by much more quickly and interestingly.

Even better, I’m doing my best to improve at setting boundaries in other areas of my life, no longer trying to frantically respond to emails and edit material during our class breaks. Instead, I now typically use the time to take a quick walk outside or down to Starbucks, chatting with my classmates and knowing that the rest of the world will still be there three hours later for me to respond to.



As you can imagine, this is sometimes a challenge for me – someone used to being constantly connected and who has trouble relaxing even when she does have the chance – mostly because I think about all the things I “should” be doing.

Though it may sound crazy, my hectic schedule has led me to crave being able to constantly check things off my to-do list, and I often feel anxious when I can’t respond to every email the minute it comes in, or when I have unfinished tasks leftover that I’d hoped to complete before the end of the day. But, since I know it’s not healthy to go through life feeling continuously on edge, I’m doing all that I can to change my ways, taking time to focus on and appreciate the small, quiet moments in life, no matter how few or far between they may be.

Will I be able to change overnight? Definitely not. But who knows? In the end, if I keep this up, I just may make it through this whole grad school while working thing without going insane after all!

Do you ever find you have a hard time relaxing or being “disconnected”? Which techniques do you use to help you unwind?

(Photo Credit: domarcenter.com)

Living The Bicoastal Life

This past weekend marked another “bicoastal holiday” for Stephen and I, as we both had little choice but to “phone it in” with our moms on Mother’s Day.

While this is of course an understandable part of living all the way across the country from our families, after six years of making it work, the past few months have for many reasons made us both eager to head back to the West Coast, or at least somewhere closer, at some point after I complete my master's.

The truth is that as great a time as we’ve had here in DC, as we and our family members all get older, the idea of seeing them just once or twice a year simply isn’t enough. My close friends are all still in California, as well, mostly in the same area. Two of them are even set to move back this summer after time spent in Boston and Germany!



The thought of being able to once again enjoy the simple luxuries others may take for granted, like going out to dinner with your close girlfriends, enjoying a shopping trip with your sister and mom, and spending the holidays seated around the table close to beloved grandparents, fills me with an eager joy and anticipation that can’t accurately be described in words.

Just as pressingly, the thought of raising children and starting a family without the support and nearness of family fills me with a great deal of anxiety and sadness. I guess it's fair to say that being far from loved ones long-term is incompatible with my vision of a happy and healthy life, career and marriage.

How far are you from your family and close friends? How do you cope when you can’t be together?

(Photo Credit: Alex Neumann Photography)

Crunch Time!

First, thank you all so much for your kind responses to my post on Friday about facing pressure and criticism. I feel 100 times better thanks to such caring and supportive friends as all of you, who make the nasty comments seem entirely insignificant when compared with the supportive ones you share with me every week.

And speaking of pressure, to say it’s crunch time in my world would be an understatement! April is flying by, as I’m focused on things including:

• Managing the quickly-expanding Weddzilla Blog

• Completing the semester in grad school this week and getting ready to start another next week

• Preparing my final project to earn my wedding coordination certificate

• Working with my summer brides whose wedding days are fast-approaching

• Keeping on top of things for Wish Upon a Wedding DC

• Taking care of all of the personal things related to my daily life, marriage, family, health, etc.



Whew! I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel very overwhelmed at times, but I’m doing my best to remember my dreams, focus on why I’m doing what I’m doing, and stay focused on my motto…I’m almost there!

How's your April shaping up?
 
(Photo Credit: funny-potato.com)

An Editor’s Life: Handling Pressure & Criticism

Being an editor is not a job for the faint of heart. I learned this early on back in my college newspaper days, when I at one point or another had just about every insult you can imagine thrown my way.

When we were too short-staffed to make it to a couple Black History Month events, though we made it to others, I was called a racist and harassed. When we ran an advertising insert from The Onion, angry conservative parents were on the phone accusing me of spreading lies and pornography. Our adviser put my mind at ease by assuring me that public criticism and pushback were signs that others were reading the paper and cared enough about what we had to say to share their own views.

Still, there is a tremendous amount of responsibility in being the final line of defense in what is presented to the public, and the criticism can at times be hurtful and hard to take. As a case in point, last Wednesday on Weddzilla, I shared the shot list I discussed with my photographer in advance of my wedding day.

Though I did get positive feedback, I also got some negative feedback. On Facebook and Twitter, photographers left comments implying that I was obviously a bridezilla, that I didn’t trust my photographer, and that I was crazy to have ever suggested that others might want to do this. Since my list included the more standard and expected shots, along with special creative shots I hoped to have captured, these readers felt it was unnecessary to go over such a list with the photographer at all, saying that he would automatically know to capture most of those pictures.

While I can definitely see their point, I didn’t see the harm in having a conversation with my photographer before the wedding day, letting him know which standard elements we would be including and which we’d be eliminating. For example, I clearly laid out in my list who the key family members were that we wanted pictures with, that the groom was taking the unusual step of walking down the aisle with his parents, and which elements of décor we were including in our setup. Does doing so make me a crazy bridezilla? I certainly don’t think so, especially since I also clearly stated that I in no way wanted to stifle the photographer's own creativity.

In public forums, it is so easy to comment and criticize without knowing where someone is coming from, what their story is and what their intentions are. It is also easy to forget how hurtful certain comments can be. Finally, it’s important to remember that those we "meet" via blogs and online forums are real people, including the editors of these publications. Do we make mistakes on occasion? Yes. Do we hurt just like anyone else when we’re called names and criticized? Yes. Are we perfect in every way? Certainly not.

I love what I do and certainly don’t let others' actions ruin my experience. But I’d be inhuman if I said the pressure and criticism didn’t affect me at times, just as they affect everyone, making me reevaluate how much of myself it’s OK to share as a blogger.

How do you deal with criticism and pressure in your life? Does fear of criticism lead you to limit how much of yourself you share with others, whether in person or on your blog?

(Photo Credits: Alex Neumann Photography)

For Japan With Love



On Feminism, Weddings & Being ‘Given Away’

I’ve always considered myself a feminist, in the sense that I believe men and women should have the right to define themselves within society, rather than being pressured to live their lives within the parameters of societal expectations and boundaries. So, when I got engaged, I’ll admit that the symbolism behind certain wedding traditions initially rubbed me the wrong way, especially the “giving away” of the bride. Why, I thought, should I, a financially and emotionally independent woman, require my parents' walking me down the aisle and physically placing my hand in Stephen’s, as though this marriage were somehow their choice, or something over which they had the final say?

I should note that unlike is true in some religious traditions, the Catholic Church does not advocate a formal giving away of the bride, and the Church often prefers that the bride and groom actually walk down the aisle together as symbol of their equality both before and after marriage. I thought about having this type of processional, walking down the aisle alone, or even having Stephen meet me halfway so that we could make the rest of the walk together.

But as I became more involved in the planning process, something changed, and I somehow I started to feel an attachment to classic weddings traditions, in spite of myself. In the end, I allowed myself to be walked down the aisle, and I allowed my hand to be placed in my groom’s. Though I did put my foot down on being introduced as "Mrs. Stephen Walrath," and would have objected strongly to a typical “who gives this woman” opening phrase, the other traditions in some strange way just felt right.

The way I see it, walking down the aisle with my parents was a sign of my love for them and all they have given me throughout my life. And seeing Stephen waiting for me at the end of the aisle filled me with tremendous joy. Does my going along with these traditions mean I am no longer a feminist? Not in my opinion. In the end, by choosing to honor tradition, I made my own decision and defined myself in the way that I chose, which is what I believe feminism is really about. I had a choice, and I made the best choice for myself, without any doubts or regrets.

What do you think? Do certain wedding traditions make you uncomfortable, and how did you or will you deal with these issues?

(Photo Credits: Alex Neumann Photography)

Love In The Face Of Violence

As an American and former congressional aide, I, like the rest of the country, am sincerely disgusted and saddened by the shootings that took place in Tucson this past weekend. Many have expressed shock over these events, and while I am shocked as well, it terrifies me that these types of sick actions seem to be occurring with increasing frequency, whether at universities, workplaces or events where our public officials are doing what they were elected to do – connect with those who elected them.

Though I was outraged from the moment I heard the initial news reports, the story truly hit home for me when CNN reported that one of those killed was 30-year-old Gabe Zimmerman, a congressional staff member who was engaged to be married. Gabe was no doubt a hardworking and dedicated professional, just like I was, serving his country and making a difference in a way that was surely meaningful to him and to others. That he worked in his boss' district while I worked up on Capitol Hill makes no difference. He was a citizen doing his duty, just like me, and he and all the innocent others who were killed in such a tragic way certainly did not deserve to die like this.



Before I left Capitol Hill, I witnessed that political tensions and anti-government rhetoric in this country are as high as many have ever seen, and primarily over issues that, in my opinion, are far less outrageous than many of those we’ve faced throughout the past decade. However, the purpose of this post is not to tout my own political views, but rather to express solidarity and love in the face of violence. The truth is, no matter how much someone’s views might anger or even outrage me, I respect their right to disagree, and certainly still value them as human beings. What has happened in our nation and society to make individuals feel that senseless violence is the only way to make their voices heard? I'm not sure, but it truly leaves me sick at heart.

So, moving forward in light of these tragedies, I’m asking everyone – readers, friends, family members, strangers and myself – to think before we speak, and to consider how our own actions might unwittingly foster a culture of hatred and intolerance, from saying we hate someone to calling someone an ugly name. Certainly, sick individuals will still continue to carry out violent acts, but I truly believe that we all need to make it our personal mission to stand for compassion instead of anger.

I once interviewed a professor who shared that his favorite quote comes from St. Augustine, who said, “Love, and do what you will.” “Because if you love, you will know what to do,” the professor told me. I believe this and try to live by it. I wish everyone else would, too.

(Photo Credit: Roll Call)

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better: When Brides Compete

Choose any random Friday night, and you’re most likely to find me entirely exhausted after a long week, relaxing on the couch with one of my favorite reality shows, Four Weddings.

If you’ve never watched the show, it features four brides who attend and score each other’s weddings as they each compete to win a dream honeymoon. Every aspect of a bride’s wedding is put on display and is open for critique, including her gown, the venue, the food, and the overall guest experience. This show is utterly entertaining and fun to watch, and I’m the first to admit that I’m hooked. But at the end of the day, I also worry that shows like this perpetuate the strong pressure many brides feel to be the “best” in the eyes of family, friends, and even strangers.

As for me, I’m as guilty as anyone. From the very beginning, Stephen and I told ourselves that our day was not a competition, and that as long as we stayed true to ourselves and to our desires, the wedding would be perfect. But after months of planning, blogging and reading, a bevy of competitive thoughts slowly began creeping into my head. Would our photos be as beautiful as some of the others I’d seen on my favorite blogs and websites? Would guests who'd previously attended weddings with much larger budgets and at more elaborate venues consider our celebration “cheap”? Would I look thin and fit enough in my gown?

Admitting these moments of weakness was embarrassing and difficult, especially since I am someone who strives to live in a very positive and accepting way. But let’s be honest. These types of thoughts often come with the territory in the wedding world, and I bet just about every bride has had them at one time or another. Recognizing them and trying to get past them is half the battle, but sadly, some brides never seem to reach this stage.

For example, just a couple weeks ago, my colleague told me the story of a friend who had moved up her wedding date so that her celebration would be sure to outshine that of a friend getting married later in the year. And everywhere I turn, I hear more stories about brides who undergo plastic surgery, liposuction, and any number of other crazy procedures in a struggle to appear beautiful in the eyes of others. Stories like these make me very sad, and that’s why, given the chance, I would never want to appear on a show such as Four Weddings.

Planning a wedding that pleases the bride and groom while also providing a great experience for guests is already challenging enough, without the added pressure of having every aspect scrutinized by TV cameras and accented with catty comments by brides who are quick to rattle off everything they "hate" about the gown, venue, vows…you name it. Instead, I would much rather remember my day just as I perceived it – as being beautiful, authentic, and true to our personalities, finances and beliefs.

What do you think, ladies? Do you view your wedding as a chance to compete with friends and relatives, and have you felt pressured to make your day “the best”? Would you ever want to appear on a wedding reality show?

(Photo Credits: Alex Neumann Photography) 

When The Happiest Time Of Your Life Is A Friend’s Saddest

Even today, I can still remember the feeling so clearly. The day I got engaged, the first thing I wanted to do was rush out and share the great news with family, friends, and the world! The ring was glistening, the planning was about to begin, and the joy I felt was bubbling out to everyone around me.

But as we all know, the world doesn’t automatically stop turning just because we might become engaged or get married. What about your close friend who recently went through a bad breakup or lost someone? What about your relative who is in the midst of an ugly divorce or facing unemployment? Is it still OK to share your excitement? Should you hold off on asking someone to be a bridesmaid or help you choose a dress? Luckily, I didn’t face issues like these right at the outset, though I definitely know plenty of brides who have. And as with so many of life’s issues, these are extremely tough scenarios for which there are no easy answers.

When Stephen’s grandmother passed away just a couple months before our wedding and the day before my bachelorette party, I felt devestated, wanting to call the next day's plans off entirely. And even after Stephen urged us to go ahead with the party, insisting that it’s what she would have wanted, I still felt absolutely heartbroken for he and his family members, who put so much love and thought into our wedding day both before and after this tragedy.

Since every situation is different and has to be considered based upon its own unique circumstances, I believe that scenarios like these are when communication and compassion take on the utmost importance. Don’t purposely neglect sharing your news with someone, since this may only add to the person’s hurt, but be sure to handle the situation in a sensitive way.

Perhaps you can tell your friend that you’d be honored for her to be a bridesmaid, but understand if she’s unable to due to her sadness over a recent breakup. Perhaps you might offer to cover costs for a groomsman who’s lost his job, or avoid talking about the wedding when you’re out to dinner with a recently divorced cousin. Though you may not be able to change someone’s circumstances, love and respect are always valued, and will always be appreciated, no matter what the circumstances.

Have you faced a situation like any of those mentioned above? How did you decide to handle it?

(Photo Credit: Alex Neumann Photography)