First, to those of you who have included your registry info with an invite, it was in no way my aim to make you feel bad about your decision, and I sincerely apologize if that was in any way the case. In stating my opinion, I was simply sharing my perspective, which I draw from my own experiences and preferences. Your experiences are, of course, uniquely yours, and it’s therefore right for you to make an entirely different choice than I would. In the end, it's not a big deal at all, and I intended this issue to be a topic for discussion more than anything else.
As I said in yesterday’s post, I am definitely not one to blindly follow etiquette guidelines simply because they exist. However, including registry information with an invite has always stood out to me as inconsiderate simply because I feel it puts pressure on those who may not be able to afford a gift. I think it also might compel guests to feel they have to choose from a specific registry site or store, when they would prefer to give another type of gift. For these reasons, I personally avoided it with my invites and would rather not directly receive it from others. I would much rather visit the couple's website, or directly ask them where they've registered, if no website details are available.
But after reading many of your comments about why you consider it acceptable, I can better understand that point-of-view. When it comes to weddings, no one opinion is always the right one, including mine! Learning from others and sharing different perspectives is one thing I love most about the wedding industry, and is what I've set out to accomplish with this blog. I'm glad this is a place where we can all respectfully agree or disagree, and be honest about our views.
What do you say, ladies? Any final words or thoughts?
(Photo Credit: Alex Neumann Photography)
I didn't get a chance to comment yesterday. Personally I think it's tacky to include it directly on the invite itself. If it's included on a small card in addition to the invite that's somewhat better. I guess I'm just old school. With the popularity of websites nowadays or just plain old asking the couple or wedding party where they are registered I don't see why it would be necessary to include on the invite. And worst case just give the couple cash, most would prefer that anyway.
ReplyDeleteI loved the thread yesterday! I actually shared your post with a friend and she recently got an invite (from a well to do bride and groom) that said:
ReplyDeleteA MINIMUM DONATION OF $70 PER GUEST IS RESPECTFULLY REQUESTED
Hannah, that is so crazy! I can't believe anyone would do something like that!
ReplyDeleteI loved the discussion yesterday, too. It's fun to share the happy and exciting moments that relate to weddings, but I think it's great to also be able to honestly discuss issues that may be more controversial, at least within the wedding world.
I just want to add that even though including registry information with an invite is not for me, I wouldn't necessarily look down on someone who did - I know there are reasons for doing so, and I'm sure some people have found a way to do so tastefully, i.e., "gifts are not expected, but if you would like to give us something, we are registered at the following stores and charities" sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteI truly loved your yesterday's post !!
ReplyDeleteThe different insights and perspectives gave me some ideas. But I am not sure what to do yet.
I am having a destination wedding in Brazil and it makes things a bit more complicated.
Besides, to my family and friends that are travelling to Brazil, they will be already spending some money with all the travel arrangements and I don't think I should ask for anything else. I would rather have their presence than an exta gift.
On another note, reading Hannah's comment, I think my mom was not the only one who got an invitation with a minimum deposit/donation request.
Is that a "new trend"?? LOL.
~lilian~
Re: Hannah's comment: WOW.
ReplyDeleteRE: Hannah's comment: My jaw just hit my desk.
ReplyDeleteThat was a really great discussion over here yesterday, Heather!
OMG. In shock over Hannah's comment. Minimum donation??? Umm, I decline. Just elope already. LOL
ReplyDeleteHannah, do you know if the "donation" is intended to help finance the wedding, or for other things afterward? Either way, it's just as bad!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, no. I know my friend was extremely appalled (shes in Peace Corps over seas so isn't going anyway) so I'm guessing they're asking for cash. Supposedly the groom is extremely well to do so its not like a small town wedding and they're trying to be able to afford to host the entire town.
ReplyDeleteShe was extremely insulted and said she probably wouldn't go if she wasn't overseas anyway.
UGH, people just amaze me with the way they don't think about how they would feel if someone did that to them! Hannah's comment reminded me of truly inconsiderate people who don't think of others.
ReplyDeleteI think it was great to have a proper discussion about it and altho we may disagree in my case it also has to do with a different country too!
ReplyDeleteHannah, cant believe they actually asked for a sum of money!!!